


I Don’t Know What I Would Do Without You

by Sarisa9



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27811504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarisa9/pseuds/Sarisa9
Summary: Rose wakes up in the middle of the night and faces demons of her past. (Or, Kanaya is a good wife to Rose.)
Relationships: Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Kudos: 6





	I Don’t Know What I Would Do Without You

Rose closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was safe, on Earth C, with Kanaya. There was no reason for her to be afraid. But she still felt a deep chill down her spine as she sat up in her bed and threw off her blanket.

She had remembered what it was like when she had gone grimdark. When all of her emotions were out of her control and she couldn’t do anything except babble incoherently and fight. It was her most terrifying memory, because while it was happening she wasn’t scared at all.

She was in control, but she wasn’t at the same time. Her mind wasn’t clouded, her judgement was the same, yet it wasn’t her that made the decision to fight Jack. It was the horrorterrors that had led her to her fall from grace.

Sometimes she swore she could still hear them whispering on nights like tonight. When the clouds covered the moon and stars and rain poured onto the roof. When darkness flooded the room and she could hold her hand in front of her face and not see it at all.

She buried her head in her hands and tried to ignore the longing she had for a drink. Alcohol wouldn’t help her. She had to get that craving out of her head. 

Kanaya stirred slightly next to Rose and she jumped a little. Rose wanted desperately to wake her beloved wife up and dump all of her worries onto her, but Kanaya needed sleep.

Rose stood up and walked to the bathroom. She closed the door, flicked on the dimmest light, and splashed water in her face. It woke her up, cleared her head. She felt her thoughts begin to align themselves.

She still felt that craving for alcohol. The substance that had brought her so low on the meteor, that she somehow still wanted.

And the whispering was still there, too. Little hints, advice that would lead her down a path of destruction. 

She leaned back against the door and-

A light tapping rapped at the bathroom door. “Rose? Are you alright in there?”

She sighed and almost started crying. “I’m not at my best, currently, but I can deal with it by myself. Go back to sleep, please.”

“Rose, I am not going to leave you alone in the middle of the night. If you are having troubles of some sort, you can talk to me.”

Rose turned around and slowly opened the door. “You’re right, Kanaya. I just don’t want to bother you, is all.”

Kanaya held out her arms. “You are never a bother to me, Rose.”

Rose fell into the embrace and started sobbing. “I can still hear them, Kan. The horrorterrors. They want me to do awful things and I don’t know how long I can resist them.”

Kanaya carefully led Rose over to the bed. They sat down and the troll held Rose in her arms, cradling her gently. “They cannot make you do anything you don’t want to do. If it is that important to them, let them do it themselves. I am here, you can listen to my voice, you can hear me.”

Rose cried. “That’s not all, Kanaya. When I woke up, I wanted to- I wanted to get a drink.”

Kanaya quietly hushed her with a wave of her hand. “But you did not get one, did you?”

“No.”

“Then you are fine. As far as I can tell, it is normal to still get the urge to drink. But you are only at fault if you act on it, which you did not.”

Rose wiped at the tears streaming down her face. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Kanaya smiled and ruffled Rose’s hair. “Oh, who knows? I am glad we found each other, though. I don’t know what I would do without you, either.”

Rose pulled away from the tight hug and gave a slight smile in return. “I love you, Kanaya.”

“I love you too, Rose.”

**Author's Note:**

> damn i like this one! thanks for reading! comments and kudos mean the world to me so please leave me something in return! :)


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